Anxiety

I have a baby growing inside me. I will be responsible for this person for the next 18 years. Of course I have anxiety, lots and lots of anxiety and fears. I gotta say though that if I have to hear one more time that I don't seem happy, I'm going to scream. Why do I have to act happy all the time? I am not going to fake my emotions just for everyone else. I am scared to death! We don't have the money, or the right jobs, or the right house to be parents yet! Everyone says your never really ready to be parents, but I just thought we'd be more ready then we are. We don't have jobs that are really lenient to just call in, or work from home if the baby is sick, we live paycheck to paycheck and the thought of somehow having to pay for daycare is what worries me the most. If we had extra money just hanging around, then I would be ok, but I just don't have any clue how we are ever going to pay for daycare. I can't quit my job and stay home, b/c just putting me back on Clay's insurance drops his pay way down and then we wouldn't be able to make ends meet, so that option is out. My mom would love to quit work and keep the baby, but she lives 2 hours away and so that's out ( I honestly thought that by the time I had a child, I'd live closer to my parents but that hasn't happened either) and Clay's mom still works and she wouldn't quit her job to keep the baby b/c she didn't keep John Reese, Carly or Jackson, so I really doubt she'd keep ours. I'm going to do lots and lots of praying. Wish us luck!!

I'm Pregnant

Well today I found out that I AM pregnant!! After feeling funny for the past couple weeks and multiple negative pregnancy tests, the positive one came tonight. Something just kept telling me to take another test so I made Clay pull into CVS and I went in and bought a couple. I really thought it would be negative. I took it and then forgot about it and about 30 minutes later I walked back in there to check it thinking it would just be another "Not Pregnant" on it, but this time it said "Pregnant". I just couldn't breathe for a minute and then tears just came running down my face. Clay walked in there b/c I hadn't come back out yet and he took one look at my face and grinned real big. He knew. He just gave me a big hug and held me for a while. It's not that I didn't want kids, its just I'm a big planner and I didn't plan on this just yet, so of course it throws me for a loop! Clay has to sit for the CPA exam in February and by the date, it seems as though our little surprise will be here in January. Bad Timing. But after coming to the realization that we are going to be parents and about to embark on another chapter in our marriage, we are excited! Happy Mothers Day to me!